I don't know if it's this most recent milestone in terms of word count, but I'm certainly feeling more like what I would consider to be an author than ever before.
Sure, I've been telling stories for years, be they on paper or the spoken word. My head has constantly been spinning with fantasy and horror in equal measure since I was a young sproglet. Multiple causes I think. I think it's my parents that bred this into me.
From a very young age I've been exposed to a varied mix of different, fantastical subject matter. At times, it really affected me to a negative degree. One of my earliest memories of something vaguely fantastical was my dad wheeling me out his LPs of Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds. On one hand, this has led me to a life-long love of HG Wells and the various crap movies made from the story. On the other hand, it gave me nightmares - for years, and a fear of Alien invaders which lasted into my mid-teens (even independence day made me scared...sad, huh?).
Not only is the music nerve tinglingly creepy at some points, combined with Richard Burton's throaty tones, it came with an artwork book that opened into A3 panoramas of scenes from the book. For example:
or
I was always a sensitive little git. However, in addition to early exposures to now cult and amazing films such as the Dark Crystal, Willow, Jason and the Argonauts, Wrath of the Titans etc. I think led me down the path of the fantasist.
Cue me 20 years later. I feel like I'm starting to contribute to the medium I was weaned on. It's an exciting prospect. Hell, I might be shit at the task in hand, but at least I'm enjoying the process!
I'll be honest, I suspect I might be falling into tropes of the genre. I don't know how though. I honestly have not read a fantasy book outside of the Warhammer setting for years. The last book of a vaguely fantastic nature I read was a series circling around my favourite anti-hero, Thomas Covenant. The one-time rapist leper constantly sucked into his own delusions/alternate reality.
I guess that's another admission I might explore later. Someone who loves fantasy but doesn't read it...perhaps I'm afraid that the presence of better writers will put me off.
I'm rambling. Damnit.
Yes, I was talking about feeling like being a writer. I've been writing porn for years now. (Phill's Filthy Porno. Go there, enjoy it, even if you've never read or had interest in erotica before! My favourite is Electric Heart...) At first, just a laugh to see if I could do it...then. Well, then I kept going. I don't think I ever felt like an author, especially when my plot heavy stories fell upon more or less deaf ears. Not enough sex was usually the negative feedback. Perhaps a bit too complex for what is more-or-less wank-material.
I like to think that I can see an evolution in the quality of my writing from my first foray into erotica to where I am now. Yes, I was writing in instalments, which meant I had to shoehorn sexual scenes into the plot where there really should have been none, but...I didn't have anywhere else to post in order to entertain people. Soooo...cater to the market!
Now however, I'm writing with enthusiasm, without a sex scene in sight! (yet...who knows, at least I know I can write them now!). As of this moment, I've got 43,000 words down. And I'm massively proud of myself. I've never poured this much effort into anything. It's a really exciting, and pleasant experience.
More importantly perhaps, I'm still writing without the crutch I always used to need. I never got anywhere without comments on my instalments...then if I got a negative one, I'd go into a dismal funk and take me weeks to crawl out of it...if ever. I'll admit, I do feel a bit lost without positive affirmation that 'The boy dun gud', but...I don't dwell on that too much anymore.
That about wraps up my rambling for the moment. I dearly hope that even if I don't turn out to be good enough to be published, I can post this stuff online somewhere for people to enjoy regardless. It's the only thing I really care about...making something which entertains and makes people hungry for more!
And today's song is (actually a surprise to me, didn't know I had it!)...
All the best!
Phill
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